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January 24 Despre frumusetea pierduta a vietii - Andrei Plesu Daca ma gândesc bine, reprosul esential pe care îl am de facut
tarii si vremurilor este ca ma împiedica sa ma bucur de frumusetea vietii. Din când în când, îmi dau seama ca traiesc într-o lume fara cer, fara copaci si gradini, fara extaze bucolice, fara ape, pajisti si nori. Am uitat misterul adânc al noptii, radicalitatea amiezii, racorile cosmice ale amurgului. Nu mai vad pasarile, nu mai adulmec mirosul prafos si umed al furtunii, nu mai percep, asfixiat de emotie, miracolul ploii si al stelelor. Nu mai privesc în sus, nu mai am organ pentru parfumuri si adieri. Fosnetul frunzelor uscate, transluciditatea nocturna a lacurilor, sunetul indescifrabil al serii, iarba, padurea, vitele, orizontul tulbure al câmpiei, colina cordiala si muntele ascetic nu mai fac de mult parte din peisajul meu cotidian, din echilibrul igienic al vietii mele launtrice. Nu mai am timp pentru prietenie, pentru taclaua voioasa, pentru cheful asezat. Sunt ocupat. Sunt grabit. Sunt iritat, hartuit, coplesit de lehamite. Am o existenta de ghiseu: mi se cer servicii, mi se fac comenzi, mi se solicita interventii, sfaturi si complicitati. Am devenit mizantrop. Doua treimi din metabolismul meu mental se epuizeaza în nervi de conjunctura, agenda mea zilnica e un inventar de urgente minore. Gândesc pe sponci, stimulat de provocari meschine. Îmi încep ziua apoplectic, înjurând "situatiunea": gropile din drum, moravurile soferilor autohtoni, caldura (sau frigul), praful (sau noroiul), morala politicienilor, gramatica gazetarilor, modele ideologice, cacofoniile noii arhitecturi, demagogia, coruptia, bezmeticia tranzitiei. Abia daca mai înregistrez desenul ametitor al câte unei siluete feminine, inocenta vreunui surâs, farmecul tacut al câte unui colt de strada. Am ajuns sa ma comport ca si cum Hrebenciuc si Cozmanca, Sechelariu si Vanghelie, Ciorbea si Mihae la Tatu, Andreea Marin si Adrian Nastase, Constantinescu si Agathon, Talpes si Garcea ar exista cu adevarat. Colectionez antipatii si prilejuri de insatisfactie. Scriu despre mizerii si maruntisuri. Bomban toata ziua, mi-am pierdut încrederea în virtutile natiei si soarta tarii, în rostul lumii. Am un portret tot mai greu digerabil. Patriotii de parada m-au trecut la tradatori, neoliberalii la conservatori, postmodernistii la elitisti. Batrânilor le apar frivol, tinerilor - reactionar. Una peste alta, mi-am pierdut buna dispozitie, elanul, jubilatia. Nu mai am ragazuri fertile, reverii, autenticitati. Ma misc, de dimineata pana seara, într-un univers artificial, agitat, infectat de trivialitate. Apetitul vital a devenit anemic, placerea de a fi si-a pierdut amplitudinea si suculenta. Respir crispat si pripit, ca într-o etuva. Când cineva trece printr-o asemenea criza de vina e, în primul rând, umoarea proprie. Te poti acuza ca ai consimtit în prea mare masura imediatului, ca nu stii sa-ti dozezi timpul si afectele, ca nu mai deosebesti între esential si accesoriu, ca, în sfârsit, ai scos din calculul zilnic valorile zenitale. Dar nu se poate trece cu vederea nici ambianta toxica a momentului si a veacului. Suntem napaditi de probleme secunde. Avem preocupari de mâna a doua, avem conducatori de mâna a doua, traim sub presiunea multipla a necesitatii. Ni se ofera texte mediocre, show-uri de prost-gust, conditii de viata umilitoare. Am ajuns sa nu mai avem simturi, idei, imaginatie. Ne-am urâtit, ne-am înstrainat cu totul de simplitatea polifonica a lumii, de pasiunea vietii depline. Nu mai avem puterea de a admira si de a lauda, cu o genuina evlavie, splendoarea Creatiei, vazduhul, marile, pamântul si oamenii. Suntem turmentati si sumbri. Abia daca ne mai putem suporta. Exista, pentru acest derapaj primejdios, o terapie plauzibila? Da, cu conditia sa ne dam seama de gravitatea primejdiei. Cu conditia sa impunem atentiei noastre zilnice alte prioritati si alte orizonturi. January 20 perfect woman"I prefer to regard a dessert as I would imagine the perfect
woman: subtle, a little bittersweet, not blowsy and extrovert. Delicately made
up, not highly rouged. Holding back, not exposing everything and, of course,
with a flavor that lasts." (Graham Kerr)
Spontaneous Me - Walt WhitmanSpontaneous me, Nature, The loving day, the mounting sun, the friend I am happy with, The arm of my friend hanging idly over my shoulder, The hill-side whiten’d with blossoms of the mountain ash, The same, late in autumn—the hues of red, yellow, drab, purple, and light and dark green, The rich coverlid of the grass—animals and birds—the private untrimm’d bank— the primitive apples—the pebble-stones, Beautiful dripping fragments—the negligent list of one after another, as I happen to call them to me, or think of them, The real poems, (what we call poems being merely pictures,) The poems of the privacy of the night, and of men like me, This poem, drooping shy and unseen, that I always carry, and that all men carry, (Know, once for all, avow’d on purpose, wherever are men like me, are our lusty, lurking, masculine poems;) Love-thoughts, love-juice, love-odor, love-yielding, love-climbers, and the climbing sap, Arms and hands of love—lips of love—phallic thumb of love—breasts of love—bellies press’d and glued together with love, Earth of chaste love—life that is only life after love, The body of my love—the body of the woman I love—the body of the man—the body of the earth,Soft forenoon airs that blow from the south-west, The hairy wild-bee that murmurs and hankers up and down—that gripes the full-grown lady-flower, curves upon her with amorous firm legs, takes his will of her, and holds himself tremulous and tight till he is satisfied, The wet of woods through the early hours, Two sleepers at night lying close together as they sleep, one with an arm slanting down across and below the waist of the other, The smell of apples, aromas from crush’d sage-plant, mint, birch-bark, The boy’s longings, the glow and pressure as he confides to me what he was dreaming, The dead leaf whirling its spiral whirl, and falling still and content to the ground, The no-form’d stings that sights, people, objects, sting me with, The hubb’d sting of myself, stinging me as much as it ever can any one, The sensitive, orbic, underlapp’d brothers, that only privileged feelers may be intimate where they are, The curious roamer, the hand, roaming all over the body—the bashful withdrawing of flesh where the fingers soothingly pause and edge themselves, The limpid liquid within the young man, The vexed corrosion, so pensive and so painful, The torment—the irritable tide that will not be at rest, The like of the same I feel—the like of the same in others, The young man that flushes and flushes, and the young woman that flushes and flushes, The young man that wakes, deep at night, the hot hand seeking to repress what would master him; The mystic amorous night—the strange half-welcome pangs, visions, sweats, The pulse pounding through palms and trembling encircling fingers—the young man all color’d, red, ashamed, angry; The souse upon me of my lover the sea, as I lie willing and naked, The merriment of the twin-babes that crawl over the grass in the sun, the mother never turning her vigilant eyes from them, The walnut-trunk, the walnut-husks, and the ripening or ripen’d long-round walnuts; The continence of vegetables, birds, animals, The consequent meanness of me should I skulk or find myself indecent, while birds and animals never once skulk or find themselves indecent; The great chastity of paternity, to match the great chastity of maternity, The oath of procreation I have sworn—my Adamic and fresh daughters, The greed that eats me day and night with hungry gnaw, till I saturate what shall produce boys to fill my place when I am through, The wholesome relief, repose, content; And this bunch, pluck’d at random from myself; It has done its work—I tossed it carelessly to fall where it may.
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